mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
