The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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