Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
