I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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