We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
