I cannot find my penis.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
