I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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