Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
