cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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