She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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