forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
