I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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