Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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