Farmville is her only friend.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
