so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
