if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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