It's Friday. Sex?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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