um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
