If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
