I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
