it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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