Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
