i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
