i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
