The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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