people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
