you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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