I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
