Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
