You're a womanizer and a bitch.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
