Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
