You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I would ride that face into the sunset
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
