Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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