Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize