And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
