My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
