I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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