i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
