Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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