sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
