you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We are two peas in an std pod
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
40s are totally the cure
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
