I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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