It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The air was thick with penises
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
