OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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