oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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