his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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