if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
