Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
