If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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