I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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