im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
