Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
being pregnant is like rehab
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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