sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
