He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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