Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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