i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
