I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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