I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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