I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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