You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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