I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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