I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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