your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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