You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
