the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
