Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
