Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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