Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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