He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
