I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
did i walk over a car last night?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
