So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
