my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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