it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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