I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
