not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I had to cum in my sink.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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