My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
