i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
