As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
