I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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