eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
