I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
