im about as happy as oj after his trial
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
