I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
