You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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