I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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