You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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