im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
