i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
