Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
