Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
