The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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