I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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