My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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