coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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