I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
