Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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