with your own penis?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize